When Life Gets Hard: Keep Moving Forward

"You don't have anything to stress about." Those were the words my mom repeated to me in an angry and scary voice as she held me in front of her. Today, i thought everything will be fine. But i am wrong. More than anything, I wanted help for my mom. Something was wrong, desperately wrong. And, that evening, she was acting so strange that I was frightened more than ever.I wanted to share a bit of my life story which i wish no one will face this shit.

My life is all about being compared to others, getting mad for something that i don't know... getting abused both mentally and physically. As a human, i admit it that i do mistakes too. Sometimes i even wonder why this happen to me. Am i that bad person to deserved all of this? I grew up in an environment of abuse. My room wasn’t safe. My home wasn’t safe. My body wasn’t safe. The people who were supposed to be my protectors and caregivers weren’t safe. I was hurting and alone.

As my memories slowly matured to understand the impact of my trauma, I moved through the typical stages of grief: denial, pain, anger, and depression. I grieved the childhood I never had. I grieved the safety I never felt. I grieved the love I never received. I am always longing for my mother's love. If you are going through this shit. I hope you give yourself so much grace.

I hope you know you are not alone.

I hope you are patience.

I hope you know the journey isn’t linear.

I hope you know your mistakes don’t define you.

I hope you know your past doesn’t define you.

And one last thing. Even if u guys do not know me. I always love you.

For those that have situation with me. Let we survive this together.